Last week, I was having coffee with Judy, one of the executives with whom I am coaching. We were having a conversation about one of her employees whom she said, “is stressing me out.” She went on to tell me about all the reasons this person was frustrating to work with.  I asked her “what would you do if Ben was not on your team.”   She replied, “I couldn’t do without him.” Judy then went on to describe additional challenges she was having with two of her other employees.

Every leader has faced this …and they will face it again. I often find during my coaching assignments that managers waste an enormous amount of energy dwelling on the negative at the expense of the positive. 

I gave Judy the following assignment. At the end of each day, she was to think about three positive things that these employees did that made her feel good. She also had to note why this made her happy. I asked Judy to do this for two consecutive weeks. At the end of week one Judy and I had a brief conversation. She was already seeing the impact. “I am looking through a different lens.  Yesterday, Ben started complaining about something that wasn’t getting done.  I used the opportunity to shift the conversation by suggested that we focus on the positive. I pointed out that he handled a similar situation last week and resolved it quickly.  Ben looked at me with a smile and said. You know you are right.” It totally shifted the conversation for both of us.”  

It wasn’t even two weeks before Judy called me describing how the relationship with these three employees was getting much better. “I feel much happier at work and less stressed out.”

Research suggests that doing this activity over at least seven days will increase your happiness. Try it –it is hard to be happy and stressed out at the same time!